As new as Jennie and I are to blogging, a constant question we ask ourselves is how much should we really share about our private lives so publicly on the blog. I am a VERY private person when it comes to certain things in our family. In a house where arguments, family decisions and parental differences are all discussed behind closed doors I would never dream of “airing our dirty laundry” outside of our family.
I started to think more and more about why certain things bother me so much and realized that a lot of it had to do with the pressure I felt for “perfection”. So much of our society, especially amongst the Mom Community, is based around the idea that “everything is great” “everything is perfect” and we try to wear these masks to show everyone that we have the perfect husband, the perfect kids and the perfect family life. Everyone knows perfection doesn’t exist. It doesn’t mean that you’re not happy but it’s okay to admit that things aren’t perfect – we ALL have bad days and you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up to friends and family to say you need a little extra support. Hold your judgment ladies because if you find yourself wondering why your friends don’t talk to you more about difficulties they’re struggling with it’s probably because they’re afraid you’re going to judge them. Let’s not fool ourselves, we’re all guilty of it. It’s something that comes second nature to us because it can make you feel better about yourself….but the end result is a society where we all walk around hurting inside and hiding behind a mask of perfection that doesn’t exist.
Taking the mask off isn’t an easy thing, it goes against my nature to type these words and say it out loud but here goes. We’ve been struggling to get pregnant for the second time around and after a very long year to conceive Luke I had high hopes that the second time around would be easier. Six months have gone by so quickly and yet today, I have another negative pregnancy test result. Bummer is an understatement. I know there are some of you who may have been trying for many years to get pregnant and might say I’m being a cry baby here but the truth is that you can’t say one woman wants a baby any more than another. Infertility is something so many women struggle with and the crappy part is that if you DO tell a friend or family member that you’re having problems most likely you’ll hear one of two things:
“It will happen in God’s timing. When it’s meant to be it will happen.”
“Stop thinking about it. Stressing out about it will only make it worse.”
While one or both of these things might be true, I can tell you from experience that when you’re in the moment this is the LAST thing you want to hear. As a friend or family member I’ll admit that it’s hard to see someone you care about hurting and your instinct is to fix it or try to say one (or both!) of the above things that you think will help them feel better. Head up folks – because usually what they really want and/or need is just a minute for you to acknowledge how they’re feeling without being so quick to redirect their feelings. Slow down and be in the moment with them. I can say personally that after I’m able to vent and get my feelings and emotions out I’m able to move on and get over it pretty quickly. (Oh and by the way, this also works wonders with kids – especially teenagers!)
There’s no hidden agenda here Ladies – I just wanted to be a little more open and honest with you because I know how hard it can be to cope with infertility. Just wait until you hear about Jennie’s story of infertility, which I believe she is planning to also share with you next week…keep your tissues handy!