As Moms we wear many different hats: wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, to name a few. The balancing act isn’t an easy thing and Jennie and I joke frequently that if it wasn’t for our blog we wouldn’t see each other nearly as much! We usually meet for “work” stuff and have rarely had time to “sit and chat” over coffee (and hot chocolate for Jen!). One thing I’d really like to do better is make more time for my girlfriends, even if it’s just a text saying “thinking of you”.
I used to have a great friend, my best friend actually, that I grew up with and went to high school with and through the years we’ve definitely had our difficulties. It’s pretty challenging to stay such close friends as you both grow up and become two very different people, normal I know.
We had a pretty big falling out many months ago and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been really difficult for me because we’ve always been pretty close and one of the biggest reasons I needed a break from the drama of it all is pretty simple – I don’t do secrets. I found out that she had been keeping something from me and it absolutely broke my heart that she couldn’t come to me and just ask outright “did you do this back when my husband and I were dating?” “He told me blah blah blah”. I started to question a lot of things about our friendship. It felt like our entire relationship was built on a lie and I just couldn’t understand why she hadn’t come to me after all these years and had kept this from me. Did she think I really did that? Did she just not want the confrontation? What else had she been holding back or thinking but didn’t want to tell me?
I wanted to instantly knock on their front door and confront her husband. I wanted to ask her “how could you not tell me?!” I wanted to lash out against them keeping secrets and how hurtful it is to keep them knowing that one day they always come back to bite you.
It was wrong in so many ways and the worst part for me was that I couldn’t tell her how how I was feeling. My source for this information was someone very close to both of us and I was asked sincerely not to tell her how I found out about this wonderful little tid bit of info that was talked about behind my back so frequently because they were worried about how it would affect their relationship. Great for them, not so great for me. It was impossible for me to carry on like it never happened. I tried and I just couldn’t do it. I waited a few weeks and wondered if she would ever ask me about it and it really started to mess with my head. The fact that I couldn’t even defend myself but was being judged was too much for me and I had to walk away.
To this day, I think about her so often and I wished things were different. She was my best friend and I miss her terribly in a lot of ways BUT I can’t change what happened and sometimes you really do have to take yourself out of those “toxic” relationships if they are bad for you. (Easier said than done, I know!)
Do you have someone that used to be in your life that you miss?